Am I Media (des)center(ed)?

I've been crying for year for a media center that I still can't find. So what am I looking for?

I'd like to have a media center in my living room (well, throughout the house would be nice), in which I could access a DVD juke box. That's all. Is it that much to ask?

Ok, let ask for a little more: for a start, the DVD juke box should be scalable (I'd start with something like 500 DVD).

Next, the jukebox should be kept outside the living area - something like the garage, or the attic.

Then, the media center should have index capabilities, and the ability to cache most recently/used fragments.

This appliance should play all kind of media formats, and naturally be upgradeable. And it would have the capability to read PDFs and Open Document formats. And still be capable of connecting to other intranet and internet stores, as most media centers do.

Did I mention it should be wireless? And that It should have authentication / authorization mechanisms? And secure transmission?

Am I asking too much? Ok, I'll throw away a feature: it doesn't have to connect to iPod :)